they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
