A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
