She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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