In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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