i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
