Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
