so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize