I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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