Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
