Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
