I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
