lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
