I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think my vagina is haunted
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
