I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
