I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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