i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
