I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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