When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
