Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
