woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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