its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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