I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
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