I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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