Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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