I love black thongs
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
