I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
