i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So squirting runs in the family.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
