Define "chronic" masturbator.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
