Quick, to the slutcave!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
