so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
