i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
