remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
