I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
