The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
