sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
