What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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