saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
