Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I could make wine with my vomit
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
