How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
