Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
