Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
