We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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