all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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