my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
