Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
