I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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