Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
