My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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