She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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