Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
