Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
