I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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