before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
jump out the window naked night went bad
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
