how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
