I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
