Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
