wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
