I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Acid is not a monday night drug
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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