WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
