you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Say something about gay babies.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
