He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
