Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize