I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
