yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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