so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
