this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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