Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
